Posted in Africa by Kimi Cantrell on 3/7/2010
We're trying to raise money to get Bibles to Malawi. Kaleb is heading up the project:
Our Squad has been praying for a way to raise money to get
Bibles to Malawi. When we were there we all saw the need for the Believers to have
Bibles. Every church we went to the pastors would ask us to pray that God would
provide Bibles for them. This is the answer to all of those prayers, but it is
not done yet.
We need your help to
provide those Bibles for them.
In most of the churches, the pastor is the only one who has a
Bible and that made me think of how many Bibles I have back home or even
at my church. These people want to
know more and want to be reading the Word of God. Please help by sending money
to help provide God's Word to the people in Malawi.
If you feel the Holy Spirit moving and stirring inside you,
please be obedient to Him and help this cause. Every little bit counts. The Bibles that we were already able to
provide for them cost about $11 and if they get enough money together they can
get the Bibles from South Africa and pay less, but then transportation cost
would come into play. We are helping out our Brothers and Sister in Christ who
work for Harvesters International in Malawi and the Bibles will get distributed
to Believers all over Malawi.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and PLEASE be
praying for people to give and also be asking God if He wants you to help out
as well.
Here are the easy steps to follow to get the money in the
right account. PLEASE DO NOT PUT MONEY IN MY SUPPORT ACCOUNT SINCE IT WILL NOT
BE ABLE TO TRANSFERRED TO THIS ACCOUNT.
www.theworldrace.org
Please click the tab "Donate"
on the top right side of the page.
Click on the link "Click Here To
Give!" This will take you to
the donation page.
In the box that appears, you will see:
|
ONLINE DONATION INFORMATION
Please select "Support
a World Race Project" under Choose Program.
|
|
Please enter "2010Mar I Squad" in the Project field provided in order to be
sure your funds will go into the account designated for this ministry.
|
|
These gifts are tax-deductible.
If you wish to send a donation by mail, please make your check payable
to Adventures In Missions and mail it to:
Adventures In Missions
P.O. Box 534470
Atlanta, GA 30353-4470
Please indicate "World Race Project
Fund – 2010Mar I Squad" in the memo section of the check.
Again Please do not put money in my support account. Please follow these easy steps for a tax-deductible donation.
Thank you
| |
|
Posted in Africa by Kimi Cantrell on 1/28/2010
Note: this is a blog from before Christmas. Since we didn't have internet really until recently, I am just going to copy and paste what I had written in my journal to post once I was near internet.
12.21.09
Tonight we had praise & worship outside our house in Chinteche with the church. It was so beautiful praising God under His glorious creation. I felt so close to Him standing under the vast starlit sky.
Anyway, tonight they asked someone to speak, so I offered. I decided, since Christmas is only a few days away, I should speak about what God has been teaching me lately about how I have been celebrating the birth of my Savior.
I was nervous at first because I was afraid it wouldn't resonate with anyone, so I prayed before I began that the Holy Spirit would give me the words to speak. I told them how Christmas is typically celebrated in America, but I gave it from my perspective:
Christmas season begins the day after thanksgiving. My family begins the season by chopping down a tree on black friday and break out the boxes and boxes of decorations, nativity scenes, garland, lights in every room, ornaments candles, everything. Companies and offices begin hanging christmas decorations, stores are selling ornaments, Starbucks sells peppermint mochas and the radio stations begin playing Christmas music. America doesn't look like America anymore. It looks like the North Pole.
As for me, I break out the classic Christmas movies, listen to Christmas music (even more than I already do) and begin baking Christmas cookies 'til my heart's content.
Once Christmas Eve arrives, my family busy all day preparing for a big party we host directly after the evening service. We're so busy preparing that the service almost turns into a burden because we must get home and do the final preparations before people arrive.
Then on Christmas day we open all the beautifully wrapped presents under the tree, indulge in all the left overs from the party (yum!) watch a movie with the Dallenbachs, exchange more gifts and close the "birthday party" by opening the stockings.
When I was accepted for the World Race, one of the first things I thought about was how I will be missing all of these festivities. All of the 7 months prior to (Christmas) I was dreading Christmas and knowing I would be a mess on Christmas Day. Luckily I found a lot of teammates who felt the same. We all decided to be the Christmas Party Planning Committee for our squad this Christmas. We'd all be together, have a Christmas pageant and find ways to decorate and eat a lot of food.
Turns out my team is alone this month, in a place without electricity. When I found out I was so upset. This would be the worst Christmas yet.
Just the other day, God began to speak to me. Then Warren asked me why I am on the Christmas PPC and we have yet to plan anything. I didn't respond (until I gave this message). But this is why I have nothing planned, because God told me this:
For 23 years you have celebrated Christmas the same exact way. None of it glorifies the birth of Jesus! You get more excited about hot cocoa, baking cookies, watching christmas movies, going to christmas sweater parties, and the overall feeling of Christmas than you do for the birth of your Savior. Idolatry.
The movies you watch are about Santa Claus and the music is about falling in love during the holiday season. Where is Jesus.
I don't think Jesus likes the way I've been celebrating his birthday. In fact I don't think he even wants to come to the party. If Jesus were still walking on Earth how do you think he would want to celebrate? By praising our Father, loving each other and serving the poor. I think if Jesus were still walking on Earth he would come to our churches and homes and throw the tables over like he did in the synagogues, furious and yelling saying, "you've completely missed the point!"
I think God put my team by ourselves in a remote area so I can experience the birthday party God intended for Jesus. A party that isn't about me feeling sorry for myself that I am not home for the festivities, but a party that celebrates the birth of our savior the way he would celebrate: praise love and service. I don't know what it will look like exactly this Christmas, but I do know it will be the best Christmas I will have celebrated.
Jesus is the reason for the season.. How did we forget?
| |
|
Posted in Africa by Kimi Cantrell on 1/28/2010
This is probably one of my hardest yet favorite months. We didn't do anything that spectacular but I overcame a lot of fears this month, I think that may be why i loved it so much. It was so freeing.
My team was in Northern Malawi, right next to Lake Malawi which is huge by the way, it looks like the ocean because it is so big; it stretches off into the horizon. Anyway, the schedule was basically: Preach/teach/childrens ministry at a church service, door to door evangelism the next 2 days then move on to the next city and repeat the same schedule. So the ministry the entire month was preaching & evangelism, neither of which am I gifted in.
The first day we did door to door evangelism, we split off into pairs. I was in such a bad mood because I was not comfortable at all and had no idea what to say. I don't think I had ever really shared the gospel with anyone before, besides Senem in Turkey. I kind of let Jess, (who's main gift is definitely the gift of evangelism) take the wheel the first half of the day. THen it was my turn. I was so nervous, i could barely look the people in the eyes and I was stuttering. Anyway by the end of the day I had shared with three houses and about 10 people "accepted Jesus" but even though I had stepped out of my comfort zone i was still in a bad mood, I was not happy at all. As the days went on however, I became more and more comfortable with it and ended up loving it by the end of the month. I still don't know how effective door to door evangelism is and I know that probably only 5% of the people who accepted Jesus in their hearts truly meant it. But if God had us do that ministry to get me to step out of my comfort zone and reveal a new gifting in my life, then that in itself is worth it.
God also had me step out of my comfort zone even more in preaching that month. Even though we have Warren with us, we all had to preach & teach at some point during the month because there were so many services that we would be hosting. I had never preached in my life. I had no idea how to put a sermon together. Luckily Warren gave us a little "preaching 101" lesson for us, but even so, I have trouble leading devotions, how was God going to use me to preach to a congregation? When my time came to preach I decided the easiest thing would be to share what God had been teaching me at the time, and with it being Christmas what better time to share about Christmas than Christmas Day. You can read my Merry Christmas blog to read about what God had revealed to me about Christmas this year.
Anyway, I was given a couple more opportunities to preach/teach (who knows what the difference is), and there were times that I was actually eager to share. God would just reveal to me topics He'd want me to share about, which were all things He had been teaching me on this trip, so it wasn't too difficult to make the sermon personal.
We hosted a Pastor's Conference at the end of the month where Jess & Warren taught the book of Philipeans with them. I was able to use my gift of service those couple days and lead the hospitality team, so I ended the month doing what I love.
Even though most of the month was repetitive as far as the schedule goes, God brought so much freedom not only in me but in my teammates as well. If i had told myself even two months ago that I would be evangelizing and preaching, I would never have believed myself. But I am so thankful for the freedom God brought into my life. I'm so glad that even though I was completely petrified that I was obedient and let God use me in ways I never thought He could use me.
But I also loved the people we met in Malawi. All the pastors took us into their homes, and their wives took care of us. Pastor Clingly was my favorite, he is so crazy! On Christmas Day at the service that I shared at, we were doing "praise & worship" and pastor Clingly was certain that Hannah, Tiff and I would learn a Malawian song, so we sang the same song over and over but we had to learn the dance moves that went along with it. So he taught us the moves and then had the congregation judge us on our dancing. It was so funny! He cracked me up, the conversations we would have with him were always so funny, I want to go back and visit him someday.
| |
|
Posted in Africa by Kimi Cantrell on 1/28/2010
We ended up going to mozambique twice, but the first time we came to mozambique we were in Vilanculos helping Yacco & Maria with their church, Jesus for Africa. Vilanculos was so beautiful, it is right on the beach, the Indian Ocean is so blue and the water is warmer than Hawaii. The show survivor was being filmed on one of the islands off of Moz while we were there. A few of us had actually met some of the production crew.
Our ministry there were home visits, hospital visits, prison ministry and running Sunday services. My favorite ministry of that month was the hospital and prison ministry. We could only go twice a week to each place but each time we went was amazing.
It was so depressing going to the hospital. The wards are basically army tents, they are ridiculously hot inside and reek of urine. It is so sad, the patients are sick and in pain, the tents are far from comfortable. About 15 people would share a tent.
 
I didn't really do much in the prison, i kind of just went for moral support, but i loved it there. Our team was the first team to go to that prison. They would gather all the inmates into a main room and we would share. The first day we went to the prison there was a heavy feeling of hopelessness, you could see it in their faces as well. Jessica shared the gospel with them and the entire room of about 200 prisoners accepted Christ that day. Each day we would return we could see more hope in their faces. They were so eager to hear what we would share and each time we would leave they would have huge smiles on their faces. I wish I could put into words what happened in that prison, but God definitely moved in that place. By the end of the month we were worshipping in the room with them and they were rejoicing more than i ever thought I would see them rejoice. I wish i had photos but we weren't allowed to take any.
We celebrated Thanksgiving in Vilcanculos. We had that day off from ministry and a group of us prepared our thanksgiving feast. It was a bit makeshift considering Moz doesn't have everything we eat, OR we couldn't afford somethings but we ended up having a spectacular feast. We had turkey legs and chicken, mac n' cheese, somewhat mashed potatoes, dressing (stuffing, i grew up calling it dressing), cooked carrots, brie, green bean casserole, apple pie, milk tart, Even though we had a tiny stove and limited resources we still had a wonderful family thanksgiving. Our families were able to call our team phones and wish us a happy thanksgiving, so that was really nice.
I loved our contacts, Yaco & Maria. They were so hospitable and really took care of us as if we were one of their own children. They moved to Moz 7 years ago from South Africa and truly have such a strong heart for Vilcanculos.
This is very jumbled because it was so long ago, i'm trying to remember everything.
| |
|
Posted in swaziland by Kimi Cantrell on 11/16/2009
Before the trip began, I would always think to myself, "i wonder if my heart will break for a particular country like past racers". As each month would come and go I would enjoy the country but never really loved any of the locations. Nicaragua was pretty close but I think I the bugs ruined it for me.
My heart has finally broken.
Swaziland has been my favorite place thus far, the ministry we did, the people we met, the location, everything. Unfortunately we were only able to stay there for two weeks.
When we first arrived in Swazi, I was completely surprised by the climate, it was beautiful. For some reason I was expecting it to look like a desert but it is full of lush and beautiful rolling hills.
The ministry we did was called Care Points. The care points provide lunch for the pre-schoolers everyday. The lunch is typically the only meal they are able to eat that day and it consists of rice or ugali (carbs). thats it.
While we were at the care points we would sing songs (the banana song was the most popular), play games, tell a bible story, have question and answer time, and then prayer before lunch. One day we asked the children what they are thankful for. One of the little boys who was probably around 8 years old raised his hand and said, "to be alive". That just about broke my heart. In case you didn't know, 50% of swaziland is HIV positive. The life expectancy of the country is about 30 years. The country is expected to be completely wiped out by 2050. Anyway, to hear this little boy say he was thankful to be alive made me think, "do i ever thank God for the mere fact that He has given me another day to live?" Either way, I don't think I thank Him enough.
 
It was so hard to see how little these children have. When we burn our trash we have to watch the entire thing burn, otherwise the children will go through it to find food and things to play with since they don't have any toys. Someone on my team had seen a little boy playing with a used tampon applicator in his mouth. Even though they didn't have much to play with, it did make me realize how spoiled even the poorest children in America are. These kids literally have nothing. Most of the time they play with the rocks and throw them at each other. Sometimes the children will suck the dirt off of the rocks because they are so hungry. One day I saw a child swallow an entire rock. it was so sad.
There were five boys we fed every night, I don't know how to pronounce their names let alone spell them. They're stories are so sad. They're all orphans and are staying at the AIM Foster House. The last night in swaziland we decided to take them out to dinner at a restaurant. They were so excited when i told them we were going to a restaurant, they had never eaten at one before. Those boys were so sweet and it was so sweet to see them taking care of each other. In fact, something incredible i noticed was all the children look after one another. The love they show each other is a love that we definitely don't grow up with in America for one another.
One of my favorite days was when we were waiting to leave for our care point. Kel, kelly, matt and I were watching Bear and Nugget (we named them because we didn't know their names) entertain us by running by and sliding in front of us. They were very young, probably about 3 or 4 years old. Whatever Bear did, Nugget would do the same. We would clap as they ran by, Bear was always very serious and Nugget who was a bit smaller would run by as well but would always look at us with his huge grin.
I also made a little friend, her name is Colile (but you have to click your tongue at the beginning). She was the first child to run up to me when we arrived at the house, she clung to me the entire time we were there. We couldn't really communicate all that well, but every day she would come home from school with a note for me. The first one was a "happy christmas card and new years". it was so sweet. I wish I could have gotten to know her story a little better but despite the language barrier I love that little girl so much.
I will definitely be making my way back to Swaziland. I can't wait.
| |
|
Posted in swaziland by Kimi Cantrell on 11/16/2009
It was just another day in Swaziland. Woke up, spent some time with Jesus, went to our care points, and watched an episode of the Office while we ate lunch. Nothing exceptionally exciting was happening. In the middle of the episode Pastor Gift pulls up in White Chocolate (the van). He asked us ladies if we wanted to help deliver a baby. Immediately we (Hannah, Cori, Erin, Tiffany and Kel) all jump up and rush to the car.
On the drive to pick up Gamane, the mother, Pastor Gift was explaining to us that she is a prostitute. She doesn't know who the father is and is planning on giving the baby away. When we arrived to her home, she was already in a lot of pain. When she waddled out to the car she had tears streaming down her face and I could tell by her facial expression the pain she was feeling.
We laid her on a blanket in the backseat of the van. I sat in the backseat with her and her cousin who came along. We knew her water had broken, we didn't know how long ago that had happened. She was wearing a pink cloth around her belly that was tightly tied around her lower stomach. We asked her cousin what it was for and she had no idea, neither did Pastor Gift nor Gamane.
To try to keep the amount of pain she was feeling down, we thought it would be a good idea to teach her some breathing exercises. The only breathing exercise we all knew was the one from Full House when Aunt Becky was having the twins. haha. So we had her breathe and asked her questions to help keep her mind of the pain. I was sitting at her feet so I gave her some foot massages as well.
I asked her if she had any children before this one and she said she already had four children, all of which have been adopted. As the contractions continued, we could see the pain was increasing relatively fast and the contractions were becoming closer and closer together. Gemane started screaming something to Pastor Gift and he said she was saying that she wanted to have the baby now.
The girls asked if I could tell if she was dilated at all or if I could see the baby crowning. I glanced and said, "no." Everything looked relatively normal to me. Then I glanced down again not even two seconds later and all of a sudden I see the baby's head and its not just crowning the baby's entire head was coming out within the matter of seconds. I started freaking out because i realized that this baby was coming out and none of us have ever delivered a baby before. I grabbed the blanket she was laying on and Tiffany was helping the cousin push on her stomach and honestly within 30 seconds the baby was born. It's a girl!
We set her down on the blanket but we're all still kind of panicked. We didn't have anything to wrap the baby in, we couldn't use the blanket because Gemane was laying on it and it was incredibly disgusting at this point. Luckily Hannah was wearing a tank top underneath her T-shirt, so we were able to wrap the baby in Hannah's shirt. The cousin was getting the fluids out of the baby's mouth and finally she cried. The baby needed something to suck on so Cori held her finger there for the rest of the ride to the hospital. She was so beautiful. It was so surreal, I couldn't believe we witnessed the miracle of birth.
We asked Gemane what she was going to name her and she said we could decide. So we decided to name her Hope.
After things settled down, Pastor Gift pulled the car over because we had gotten a flat tire. After he changed the flat tire, he realized the replacement tire was even flatter than the previous tire. So we tried to get help but no one was helping us. We still needed to get to the hospital right away because the baby was still connected to the amniotic sack.
Since we weren't getting help, Pastor Gift decided we should just drive to the hospital anyway. Oh Africa. Finally we arrived to the hospital. A nurse greeted us and was upset that all we had to wrap the baby in was a T-Shirt, but we weren't expecting to deliver a baby in the back of a van in Africa, cut us some slack lady! Anyway the nurse cut the umbilical cord and took care of Gemane and the baby. Finally Gemane was settled in her hospital room which she shared with another Mother and a left over dinner on the nightstand covered in ants.
As we said our goodbyes I asked how we can be praying for her and Hope. She told us she has AIDs, so we're praying that the AIDs won't get passed to Hope. It is possible for AIDS to not pass during birth.
This was hands down the best day of my life thus far. Its still so surreal, I definitely was not expecting to ever have a day like this on the trip but hey, this is the World Race.
| |
|
Posted in General Posts by Kimi Cantrell on 10/31/2009
...just kidding, but there are some gross photos.
I've been meaning to post this blog for a long time and am finally posting it. I'll explain later why it took me so long.
When I was accepted for the World Race trip I knew I would have to raise support in the matter of three months. I knew it wasn't impossible but I would have to do save a lot, send out a lot of letters and possibly work at Ruby's on the weekends again (eek!).
A few days after being accepted my parents mentioned to me that they actually had a savings account they had been saving for a while for me to use when I was ready. They prayed about it and realized this trip was probably the reason God had them save the money in the first place.
We decided to use the money for this trip but I still wanted to support raise so we wouldn't have to use the entire account if at all possible. I sent out a few letters and have received a generous amount from my supporters. I have still had to use a good amount of the savings account my parents had for me but I haven't had to use the entire account yet.
Just when I thought I would have the entire support raising taken care of, God threw me through a loop.
In Nicaragua, as many of you may know, I was eaten alive by the bugs. Now the bugs in Nicaragua aren't the same mosquito bug bites you get on a summer camping trip. Nicaragua has a million different types of bugs, all with different symptoms, all of which I STILL have scars of to this day (3 months later), some still itch. These bites are gnarly. First they bubble and look like mini warts. Then they open up and puss constantly, and doesn't stop until you get antibiotics, which I didn't find out until Boston two weeks later!
[one of the lesions on my arm]
When we arrived in Boston my team's flight was canceled due to poor weather. We tried all day to get on some flight but it just wasn't working out. So we figured there was a reason why God didn't want my team to get to Ireland right away. So we stayed in Boston for a few days.
The first day we spend in Boston the pain in my left armpit that I had been feeling for the past two weeks began really hurting to the point where I couldn't move my arm without it hurting, I knew something was wrong definitely wrong, so Erin escorted me to the ER at Bringham and Women's Hopsital.
[registration] [pain chart, a 10]
At this point I have a really high fever, the chills, my entire body aches and the pain in my left arm keeps getting worse. The doctors in the ER performed the usual procedures, checking my vitals, taking a million blood tests, x-rays, giving me an IV, etc. They wanted to make sure I didn't have H1N1, so they made Erin and I wear face masks, its really funny in retrospect but at the time I was so embarrassed and in too much pain to be my normal humorous self.
[ I was freezing] [Erin did A LOT for me, she even helped me pee, love this girl]
The ER doctor's couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, so they checked me into a room. My team ended up heading to Ireland without me, but Cori stayed behind with me and my Mom flew out to be with me. After 4 days at the hospital, 8 Urine tests, 5 blood tests, 4 doses of antibiotics, 1 biopsy, and 2 Med Student visits, the doctors still didn't know what was wrong with me and decided to discharge me with a Strep Infection in my left Arm. Either way they eventually had found antibiotics that seemed to be helping.
[this is what they looked like when i was discharged] [I still had bites all over, I still do]
Just when I thought that God had my team stay behind so that I could make it to the hospital, it turns out that my Traveler's Insurance didn't cover me while within the U.S. leaving me (my parents) with a $13,000 hospital bill (I could go on another World Race trip with that cost) I applied for MediCal and was denied. So now not only are my parents paying for the remainder of my World Race trip, but my huge hospital bill.
I think God wants me to fully rely on Him now for support for my World Race trip. I have a record of controlling my life myself and not depending on God, I think He's taking matters into His own hands, and teaching me a very humbling lesson.
I have been on so many mission trips that each time I support raise it gets harder and harder to ask for money, but God is bringing me to a point where I have no choice but to humble myself and rely on Him. That is why it took me so long to post this blog because asking for support is something that is really hard for me to do.
Please, if anyone would like to support me I would really appreciate it. Whatever money we don't use of my savings account for my World Race trip we can put towards my Hospital Bill. So if you are looking for someone to support on this trip or just felt sorry for me, please please please help support me on this trip! [just click on the "support me!" link on the left column]
Blessings.
| |
|
Posted in General Posts by Kimi Cantrell on 9/25/2009
We're finally leaving Romania after having been here for two months. It was a lot of fun, God definitely taught me a lot of amazing things, but I am ready for a new place, a new adventure and new culture. We were supposed to be heading to Israel next, but before we head there we're taking a little detour to Istanbul, Turkey!
I'm so excited to learn about the culture. Central America's culture was obviously not a shock nor was that of Eastern Europe, so I'm excited to finally be emersed in a culture that I have no clue what to expect.
We've been told to ask everyone to refrain from any comments on the blogs, refrain from emails and Facebook messages/comments for the next month and a half that contains any religious talk whatsoever. Turkey and Israel are both closed nations and they are able to track emails, comments, etc that are sent online, therefore ANYTHING containing any religious talk will just have to wait, even the nice little, "We're praying for you" emails. We can't have that.
We're not even able to sign into our World Race blogs for awhile. The main reason we've been asked to do this is to protect our contacts. The worst that would happen to us is we would get kicked out of the country (which isn't not bad) but we mostly want to protect our contacts.
So I'll be able to fill everyone in on my experiences in Turkey and Israel once i get to Africa. Until then, know that God has been revealing a lot to me, I"m having a lot of fun and am ready to begin an intimate relationship with my Abba.
Please pray for protection, discernment, against spiritual attacks, and that God reveals more to me about who I am as His daughter.
| |
|
Posted in romania by Kimi Cantrell on 9/11/2009
Today was a day for us to show God we love Him by doing what is we feel is our Love Language to God. We were put into groups of three according to what we thought was our way of showing God our love. Kaleb, Tiff and I all have servant hearts and we decided to spend our day feeding the homeless in the park. Across from the park was a McDonalds, so we bought 30 Double Cheeseburgers (what better food to pass out than McDonalds?).
 
Within seconds of stepping into the park we met three homeless people. As we were walking up to Sofia, she was so joyful. She said she had been praying to God for food because she was so hungry, and a few seconds later Kaleb had walked over to hand her a cheeseburger. It was so cool to see God working from her side of the story. It was kind of an affirmation that that is where God wanted our group to serve this afternoon.
Sofia. Stefan.
Later we ran into Stephan. He was my favorite. He kind of had a short term memory, so we had a lot of repeated conversations, but he was so full of life, I wish we weren't pressed for time because I would have loved to stay and talk with him more.
It was so nice serving the way i love to serve God. We have been serving for the past three and a half months but the ministry hasn't really been the type that I love, which is feeding the homeless. It was refreshing in a way, I felt like I was in my element.
| |
|
Posted in romania by Kimi Cantrell on 9/11/2009
God has been telling me a lot lately. Now that we've been abroad for over three and a half months, I've started to realize that I think I may prefer local ministry more than global, when I thought the opposite going into this trip.
He's been doing a lot with my identity as well. I feel like my identity is a Boggle game. I feel like it has been completely shuffled and tossed around that I don't really know who I am anymore and now I have to find my identity. Its kind of getting frustrating. But I know that confusion about my identity is a good thing. Its the beginning of me finding out who I truly am.
I was thinking about who I am, it made me think of all the cliche things people tend to tell each other like, "you are His daughter, you are His beloved, with you He is well pleased..." Usually when people tell me those things, I get annoyed because they are so cliche and I just kind of tune them out until they're finished. But as I was thinking of all the cliche statements I started to hear it in a completely different way. Instead of having the emphasis on the "YOU are His daughter, YOU are His beloved, with YOU He is well pleased..." I started hearing the emphasis on God, "you are HIS daughter, you are HIS beloved, with you HE is well pleased."
I've come to the realization lately that God wasn't wanting me to hear the YOU part of those statements but the HIS part of the statements. I've learned that my relationship with God is lukewarm and that most of my heart has been scattered around, to my parents, my friends, boyfriends, etc. Its almost like I've been spreading myself thin and have always been trying to find myself in other people in my life rather than in God.
I'm still struggling with what it means to truly Love God. I've always said I love God but do I really?
Like I said, i feel like i've been stuck inside a bottle and shaken around and now i am so confused and lost about who I am, but i'm slowly starting to see the bigger picture. Even though its kind of hard feeling this way, the fact that I will come out of this much more confident and who I truly am makes this process less painful .
| |
|
Next 10 Articles >>
|
|
|
